a glimmer into the life of a mum who loves fashion, decor and prosecco

it's a scary wonderful journey

Last night after I read books to Emerson and we she had fallen asleep, I lay down next to her and scooped her in my arms and snuggled her nose-to-nose . . . and then I cried a little.  These quiet moments overwhelm me, terrify me and refocus me . . . as I lay there staring at her little nose and little cherub lips, it felt like yesterday I was holding her in my arms rocking her to sleep and gazing down at that same little face.  Yesterday we were talking about belly buttons and I told her that when she was in my tummy that is what attached her to me . . . she was amazed and quiet frankly so was I . . . it still blows me away to think how physically tied to each other we are, she is part of me, literally, and I feel that with my whole being, my whole soul and sometimes the amount of love and vulnerability can feel too much.

As I lay there last night, I wished that her life would be full, and complete and that she would be forever happy doing and being whatever made her happy.  I will love her to the moon and back, no matter what path or choices she makes in her life.  But then I started thinking of the long path ahead of her, of all the pitfalls and obstacles she has to overcome or dodge to be able to get through just her adolescence . . . . bullying, mean friends, strangers, peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, boys, sex, bad relationships, bad choices with horrible consequences.

The big picture and the long journey terrify me down to each cell in my body.  My primal mama bear instinct is in full drive and I am not sure how I am going to be able to handle watching her navigate all the trials and tribulations of life.  I want to protect her from the big bad world where people are cruel and mean and its not like Mickey Mouses Clubhouse . . . 

I sometimes don't think I am strong enough to do this but then I kick myself in the butt and tell myself that I have to be strong enough! I am a mama bear, and her job is to love, protect and teach her cubs how to survive in this world.  It is my (our) job to love our girls unconditionally, let them know that they will always be safe and supported, teach them to love themselves and to love others, to be careful and think things through, that they can come to us no matter what, with any issue or problem, and we promise to love them and guide them through whatever they may be going through.  

It is our job to make sure that we give them every tool they need to become the great person they are, to find their happiness and to stay true to themselves always.  This parenting thing is so much more than I thought. . . on every level it challenges you and tests you and pushes your love to limits you thought were unreal because truly there are no limits on a parents love . . . absolutely none . . .  to the moon and back times infinity!

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Thank you for your comments, I truly appreciate it! Have a fabulous day. xoxo E

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