As a mother . . .

It is so hard to read the news, watch the news or even hear about the horrible things that go on in this world.  Before I had my girls and I would hear these horrific news stories it would bother me, I would feel sad and angry and get upset but it wasn't until after having my girls I understood the depth of the anguish that people were facing.  Now when I hear a story I have an almost visceral response; my head starts spinning with "what if's?" "what if that were my babies on that ferry, that airplane, at that marathon finish line?" "what if I were there with them; would I have been able to get them to safety?" "Would I have listened to my gut?" My stomach starts wrenching and most every time I feel like throwing up.  My heart and lungs go in to panic mode; I hyperventilate and my heart races and races . . . . these stories panic my being down to every cell in my body.

After I had my girls, my world changed in every way possible.  Now when I see anyone hurting, or in some unfortunate circumstances, all I can think is that is someones child . . .  someone who cradled their baby in their arms every night as I do, who kissed their booboo's when they were hurt like I do . . . I had no idea the depth of love a parent carries.  My girls are me and I am them; my love is like an involuntary muscle in my body, it just happens without me telling it to or making it . . . the love is literally pulsating though my body.  

The recent tragedies that are happening all around is a little too much to digest.   There have been two sad sad events that have been so close to home recently and with all the rest going on in the world . . . it seems a little insurmountable.  I am grieving for those families, those mother's, those fathers, those children who have lost someone.  Right now someones child is lost, is hurting, is sad, needs help, needs their mummy . . . and I just can't . . . I can't.